That’s what we all hope for and what we deserve.........at least once.

How many times have you made that resolution and broken it? Once? Twice? More? I know I have been in this position myself and in the end found the easiest part about giving something up was giving up on the resolution.

It’s at this time of year that my phone starts ringing with people with good intentions. They want to sort out the anger that’s destroying their relationships before it goes too far. In truth it’s never too late. It may be too late for the relationship you are in currently but it is never too late to change. If you don’t, the result will always, in the end, be the same.

But what does too late for the relationship mean? Well in my experience it is when your anger has turned to violence or your anger has left your partner so scared they dare not do anything for fear of triggering your anger. Amazingly I met so many people, both male and female, who have gone past this point and yet their partners have not given up on them yet. I emphasis the word “yet,” because it will happen.

My resolution this year is to help more people with anger before it goes too far. This is why we developed the Sufferers Page. If you suffer anger from another, have a look at this. If you are the one getting angry, have a look at this.

There is a general cycle with the contact we have with clients. It can take years to complete but mostly it takes months.

Stage 1 – They contact us in remorse. They have gone too far. They know they have. They think they are going to lose that which is most important to them and they need to do something. So they talk to us. They do not, however, book in. They go home and say to their loved ones “I spoke to these people who can help me and I am going to take action.”

Their loved ones will grasp at any hint of change and don’t want another row. So they accept it, they hug them and say “I am so glad.” The tension in the relationship that has been there for so long releases slightly and in general things calm down between them............Until the next time.

Stage 2 – Despite making a real effort and the relaxing of tension they have exploded again. They call us. We talk. They still do not commit but they do say” I am seriously going to go away and think about it.” They go home and they say “I called them again and I am going to take action this time.” Once again relief overtakes caution and their partner does not ask the real questions such as “What will you do? When will you do it? “Again calm descends and life returns to a better level................Until the next time.

Stage 3 - it’s all gone wrong. Their partner has moved out; taken the children with them; they say it’s all over. They see this as their last chance. They make the commitment to work with us. Who knows it may work, they may rebuild the family.

Everyone I talk to has different reasons for hanging on until it’s too late and their closest person has said “Enough is enough!!” What they all have in common is that if they knew what it was going to take to get them there, if they knew the pain they were going to cause before hand and if they knew how powerful and life changing the work we do is, they would have committed years ago.

It’s because of this that we out together the FAQs. They are really a list of the excuses we all make not to commit.

There is a lot of shame associated with anger, both for being angry and also, as a causal factor of anger. Please do not add the shame of the pain caused to others on top.

Our service is confidential. Email me Julian Hall or call me on 0845 505 2450.

Together we can make it better, but only you can make the decision to skip stage 1 &2 and cut out that pain you cause your loved ones.