If you have children, it is an awesome responsibility. Since I had children I have always referred to the experience as being a member of the most exclusive club in the world whilst being the easiest one to join. As soon as I became a father I knew I wanted to do it right. Of course, no one gave me a manual and I find it difficult to ask for help. Learning from my mistakes is a good way to learn but this is crucial stuff and I don’t want to make any mistakes if I can help it. So the pressure to be a good parent is immense.
I am not an expert on all aspects of bringing up children. I am an anger management specialist. What I observe is that anger in children and almost everyone can be closely linked to low self esteem. On our Understanding Anger for Parents courses we teach that it is the parent’s responsibility to nurture positive self esteem in their children. Part of the way we do this is by being role models. Like it or not, everything we do when we are with our children is setting an example, good or bad. We also teach that in order for us to nurture our children’s self esteem we need to take responsibility for our own.
A Great analogy for this is the airplane emergency procedures. Anyone who has travelled on an airplane will remember the safety instructions. They always cover cabin decompression and use of the oxygen masks. They always emphasise that you take care of your own oxygen supply before attending to that of your children. You cannot save your children’s lives if you are dead. Equally, you cannot attend to their self esteem if yours is rock bottom.
There is some great material in primary schools that supports you in your efforts as a parent. It is called Social and Emotional Aspects of Learning. If your child’s school has not told you about it, ask them.
So what are my tips for nurturing self esteem?
Take care of your own.
Role model positive behaviours all the time.
Learn to recognise the signs
Confront their negative comparisons to others and ask them questions that will challenge them to recognise their own strengths.
Challenge rudeness and poor behaviour but not the child.
Celebrate their strengths
Encourage and role model to express how they are feeling.
Give them firm boundaries. They need these to feel safe.
Parenting is not easy. It sometime appears to be easier to get it wrong than to get it right. We don’t change people overnight so it can be a slow process sometimes. What I do know is that I owe it to my children to continually improve how I model behaviours and feelings so that I give them the best opportunity in life to grow into balanced and whole adults.
The lists above are not definitive. Nor is there enough space in these to go into huge amounts of details about how to. We go into more detail in our courses for parents and even more depth on our pure anger management courses.
Image 1 by Mdanys - http://www.flickr.com/photos/mindaugasdanys/3766009204/
Image 2 by Daniela Bartosova - http://www.flickr.com/photos/25455987@N06/4743980172/
Image 3 by Leeni - http://www.flickr.com/photos/29223627@N04/2871143039/
